An Ode to Calvin

I have a wonderful little boy named Calvin.  He says the most interesting things.  This summer, after I told him he could earn money to buy his own silly bands by doing chores, he says, "I am not the kid who likes to do chores", like, duh Mom!  Last week, when I asked him if he had done his homework yet, he says. . . (you guessed it) "I am not the kid who likes to do homework".  But he is the kid who likes to give hugs, smiles, and lovins, so I'm a very lucky mom!

We have a special man in our ward who has developed some health problems over the past couple of years.  He is no longer able to walk without his walker.  A few months ago, he came up to me and asked me what my son's name was, as he points out Calvin.  With tears in his eyes he thanks me for raising such a wonderful son.  He then tells me what had just transpired in the mens room: 

 This gentleman had just finished using the facilities, and came out to wash his hands.  Calvin was just finishing up washing his hands and goes to the door, and opens it.  He stays there with the door open for a couple of minutes and holds it open for the man when he was ready to leave. 

For some reason, he was so impressed that Calvin recognized another person's need and answered that need, at such a young age (Calvin is 6).  This wonderful man even shared this same story with the congregation, a couple of weeks later.  Keith and I were not surprised b/c we always knew we had a special boy, but it was sure nice to hear that he shows his good side to the rest of the world, too!  I made sure that I let this gentleman know that it had nothing to do with how Calvin was parented, but that he was just born with an extra loving heart.

Keith overheard him talking on Friday to his brother Eric, who is eight, about attending a girl's birthday party.  The conversation went like this:

Eric:  She might give out goody bags with girly stuff in them.

Calvin:  If she does that, I will very nicely and politely tell her that I don't really want any.  You have to be nice and polite to girls because if you don't, they get REALLY mad and yell.

So, our little 6 year old has already figured out the mysteries of the other sex.  Apparently, some kids were throwing rocks at recess, and Calvin told a girl that it was dangerous, and she had let him HAVE IT!  He's a quick learner.

My other children are wonderful, too, in their own way.  But, Calvin is just been a special bright spot in our family and we are so grateful that we have him!

                  What is the point of it all?

So this is the question I asked my now 15 year old son, Steven, as I am in the middle of a major funk.  His reply?  Well, there's always chocolate.

Chocolate is fabulous.  I have to melt on my tongue at least one Dove Dark Chocolate square a day in order to feel sane for 5 minutes.  It's the rest of the 23 hours and 55 minutes that I have yet to come to terms with!

Keith and I had some great plans laid out for the next 2-3 years (or at least I did, and he lovingly accepted them).  I was going to go to genetic counseling school, work for 1 year full-time, take the boards, and take a nice, kushy (sp?), part-time job doing work that I would love, and spend the rest of the time doting on my wonderful children, as they matured into hardworking, responsible, chore-doing, caring members of society.

So, that didn't happen.  I did not get accepted to any of the 7 schools I applied (got 4 interviews, did 3 of them, 2 denied me, 1 closed down their program).  Next, we decided to move to Utah.  We found the perfect house in the neighborhood where Keith's parents live.  We were going to buy it, have good friends of ours live there until they could get back on their feet, and move in after a year or two of paying off our currents debts.  Well, this didn't happen either, b/c apparently when buying a second home you need 20% down, and at least 5 of that has to have been sitting in your own bank account for at least 3 months.  We don't have 10 grand laying around right now (how shocking, I know).  And now our dear friends are not able to move to Utah right now, either.

So, I'm currently still kicking around the med school idea, but I just don't feel that drive that I used to have.  I think that what the Lord is trying to tell me right now is that I need to stay home and be the mother that I haven't been while I've been in school.  The past 6 months, the ugly bipolar has reared it's head in a vicious way.  My oldest has become unrecognizable:  skipping school for weeks in a row, blatantly defying us when we ask for help around the house, and spending hours in bed texting and listening to her ipod (which she did buy with her own money, after all).  Eric, who is 8, is being home schooled, but the minute the other kids get home, until he goes to a medicated sleep at 8pm, tortures them mercilessly with his picking, taunting, teasing, and throwing things.  When he is reprimanded for those behaviors, he turns on me and whines, screams, and yells for the next couple  of hours.

What we need is the Nanny!  Unfortunately WV does not even have licensed family therapists.  The next best option is counseling, which we are starting in  2 weeks.  It can't come soon enough!  Meanwhile, I am trying to hold it all together and not feel like I'm the lead contestant for the Bad Mother of the Year Award.

The good news:  Steven is doing well, Calvin successfully completed (almost) his first year of school, and baby Ivan is eating solids (mostly).  Allison's seizures have declined in number, but increased in intensity.  As a 13 year old, she is now wearing (oh the horror) a brassiere!

You know that show, Mommy swap?  I want on that.  Not really, but if I have any volunteers to take on a piece of my load . . .

A few recent pics (from my new phone- baby broke my old one, and Maddy and Eric broke the camera, while fighting over it).

Well, the new year is already getting old, and I'm just now posting! Forget catching up with the last 6 months- I'll just start with what's happening right now:
Started school last week. Biochemistry (hate it) and Biostatistics (don't quite get it). My original plan was to finish up these courses, use the summer to study for and take the MCAT, and start applying in the Fall to med schools.
New plan: I decided on Jan. 14 to apply for a Masters Program in Genetic Counseling. I applied the next day to the University of Utah, which had a deadline of Jan. 15 (I like to cut things a little close!) Since most of these programs only accept 6 (yes, six!) students a year, and there are over 80 applicants to each program, I found 5 more schools that had both a later deadline (Feb.1) and would not require me to retake the GRE, and applied to them! They are:
Wayne State University in Detroit, MI
Brandeis University in Waltham, Mass
Case Western University in Cleveland, OH
Arkansas State University in Little Rock, AR
University of Wisconsin in Madison, WI

Anybody want to figure out my odds of getting in? There are only 32 programs in the US. The programs that I really wanted to attend aready had their deadlines for admission, so if I don't get in this year, I have a few more options for next year.

The next big news is that my sister, Rachel had a successful IVF procedure and is now pregnant with TWINS!!!! Due in August.

Finally, I have decided (and have already begun) to homeschool Eric for the rest of the year. He was doing so well at school, but so poorly at home, I thought that if I spent some good one-on-one time with him, he would be less likely to torment his brothers and sister so continuously. I have spent the last 4 months with the psychiatrist and with a dr. of chinese medicine/chiropractor trying every treatment known to man, to try to decrease his "tendencies", but to no avail. Next stop is a naturopathic Dr. He is on some heavy duty medication in the meantime, but I don't think it is very effective. Prayer is always welcome :-)

Life is good! Love my little 1 year old. Makes me want another one (as usual!)

(Pictures of Kim's kids, with Ivan)
Fall is fast approaching! Not the weather, but the school season. I always have mixed feelings this time of year. I'm one of those minority mothers who CAN'T WAIT for the kiddies to be back in school! This is Calvin's first year, and I'm a little sad that I don't get to enjoy my one-on-one Calvin time this year, but since Baby has arrived, Calvin is not quite as happy go lucky as he once was. He is ready! The mixed feelings part is that I have to go back to school, too! There have just a few school years that I have not had my own classes to attend, and I'm starting to miss those times! I'm only taking one class this fall, but it's a doozy: Molecular Genetics - 4 credits! Not sure how my post-partum brain is going to do with this one, but I'm giving it a whirl!
Still not sure about child care for the babe, but I've got someone in the works who will potentially provide respite care for Allison, who is willing to watch babe for that time that I'm in class.
Keith was great enough to ask his boss for Wed. mornings off, so I would only need child care for one morning a week.
So, I've been busy registering kids, and myself, for school. Next week, I will have to buckle down and get the school supplies. Always such a lovely experience. . . NOT!
Wish me luck!

Dealing with sleep deprivation, just in case my many, many staunch followers are wondering where I am! (Heavy sarcasm. . . )
Not baby's fault- he sleeps at least 5-6 hours at a time, but once he wakes up at 3 or 4 am, and then nods back to sleep, I am wide awake for the next few hours. Too tired to get up to do anything useful, but too wired to turn off my brain for much needed zzzz's. Starting to catch up with me.
Next time I'll post about our fantastic OBX vacation!
Meanwhile, baby has 3 teeth, and working on 3 more. He's crawling, scooting, rolling, and even nose-diving (off the couch, bed, wherever. But don't worry, we always catch him. . . so far!) No solids, yet, though, which is fine with me!
Having a blast with him! My other 5 are all taking a second seat for a while so I can enjoy my last (?) baby!

I wanted to let my daughter, Madeleine, know how proud of her I am. Maddy has had many struggles in her 15 years of life. She has been on medication for psychiatric and neurological illnesses (bipolar disorder, anxiety, atypical EEG patterns) since she was 6 years old. She is the oldest of 6, and has had to share her attentions with siblings since she was 15 months old.
One of her biggest struggles has been her anxiety disorder. A couple times in her school career, she has been unable to attend school for months at a time, due to her anxiety attacks. Most recently, she was unable to attend the middle school in our district, for 2 months. I was not about to home school her, and we were running out of options. My parents were kind enough to intervene, and offered to have her live with them so that they could school her, or send her to their district school, which was much smaller. We left the choice up to Maddy, and after visiting the school in their small Virginia town, she decided that she would be willing to try it out.
She attended there for a couple months, and did fairly well. She got to come home 2 or 3 weekends a month. Then, she started feeling her anxiety again, and really wanted to come home. She was homesick, and was starting to worry about the upcoming SOL exams. Keith really wanted her to come home, but I thought that she really needed to stick it out, so that she wouldn't get into the habit of running from every problem that made her anxious. We decided to leave it up to her. She, of course, said that she wanted to come home, but I reminded her how to make good decisions (make lists, think hard, and pray!) so she said she would take a little more time, thought, and prayer. After about 3 weeks, she let us know that she had decided to stay. She told us that she felt good about it, but she also knew that she would continue to feel homesick, and that she would need our support and prayers. I was so proud of her!!
She decided to run track while she was there, and had a wonderful season! I was only able to see her final meet, but she ran her fastest times at the meet, and I was just bursting with motherly pride! I can't wait to have her run again, this coming season, so that I can watch her fly!
But, all worldly pride aside, what I am most proud about is Madeleine's strong spirit. She has always had a testimony of the truth of the gospel, but since she has been away, I have seen it grow by leaps and bounds. She is one of the most caring young women that I know. She wants to be friendly and welcoming to other girls who are struggling to fit in (just like she has always felt), and has righteous anger for behavior that involves cliques and popularity contests. She wants to do the right thing more than she wants to fit in. Another way she demonstrates this is by how she dresses. She will always come and ask me what I think about an outfit that she is unsure about, as far as modesty goes, and will always change if she continues to feel unsure. She keeps her language clean and is faithful to her beliefs. I feel privileged to be her mother!
Don't get me wrong- we have definitely had hard times, and most likely will continue to butt heads about some things, but I am very glad that I came to the realization that my daughter is truly a blessing!

Pictures for all you Non-Facebookers!

Calvin and Ivan

2 favorite fingers

Ivan

The crazed housewife!

Steven, being Steven

Check out those breastfed thighs!

Calvin

Eric

Calvin and Ivan

Aches and Pains

I was lucky enough that during my miserable pregnancy, I did not suffer from my daily aches and pains. I have developed arthritis in many of my joints, and for some reason, pregnancy gave me some respite from these (however, nausea is not something I would willing take on again. Way worse than pain!)

My worst pain right now is in my wrists, shoulders, and upper back. Just take a gander at some of these photos, and maybe the cause will become clear!

Adorable picture that Collee, my SIL, took at Pandapas Pond last week.
Chunky monkey!

Look at that girth!

The famous plumber's pose.

Like he cares that Mommy's in pain because he's obese. . .

Motivation

I took this semester off from school, obviously. I determined that I would use this time to study for the MCAT and try to take it in the summer. Guess how much I've studied! Nada. Zilch. Nil.

So, what seems to be my problem? I just don't feel like it! In fact, I just don't feel like doing anything, except playing on the computer, and reading fiction. I'll never accomplish any of my goals at this rate!

The solution? Change my goals! My new goal is to enjoy my days at home with my family. So far, so good!

Meanwhile, if anyone has some good ideas on how I can eventually get motivated to study, let me know!

8 Weeks!

Baby Ivan is 8 weeks! He is getting such a personality! We all love him to death (not literally, of course). Even Allison is perking up around him, and will actually give him kisses.














His older brothers love to spend time with him (when they are not fighting over computer games), and Steven is our designated Friday night babysitter- he can actually get Ivan to bed and to sleep! It is amazing!









Ivan is growing, as babies tend to do. Mostly in his cheeks. Don't forget, though. . . the camera adds 10 lbs.!

Sweet Dreams

Little George Ivan is 6 weeks old. He is smiling, cooing, trying to laugh, and, best of all. . . . he is sleeping through the night! He falls asleep between 10:30 and 11:30, and sleeps til 6:00 or 6:30. I get him out of his crib (which is at the foot of our bed) and he nurses a little, and goes right back to sleep. We usually lounge around 'til 9 or so, when I get him up to change him, because by that time he is completely soaked!

It has been so nice, and has really helped with recovery. After going into the hospital a few weeks ago, I was really concerned about how I would recover from that horrible abdominal pain and, of course, the birth. His nightly sleep habits just started improving since then, and now we both sleep like babies!

All of my other babies have slept with me, and wanted to nurse every 1 1/2 hours, and I felt like I never got enough sleep, so this is a surprise and a blessing (tender mercy). I figure that Heavenly Father knows that my body is just too old for the regular baby routine, and told little Ivan to take it easy on me!

I don't get anything done during the day, still, because I'm either holding, burping, changing, or nursing Ivan, but since I'm well rested, it doesn't really bother me. Just noboby plan on coming to visit any time soon!

Music Appreciation

During a pregnancy I get so sick that any stimulus can make me nauseous and start puking (gross, I know). Unfortunately, this includes music. With my first pregnancy, Keith and I had just bought this awesome CD called "Green Forest"- little aboriginal children singing to this cool beat. Well, after listening through my nauseous state, I've never again been able to listen to this CD without feeling positively pukey! Even if Keith says one line from one of the songs, I go all cold and clammy.

So, instructions for this pregnancy were as follows: no music - at all! Keith knew that if he played me a song he liked, he'd never be able to play it again. I hid all my favorite CD's so Iwouldn't be tempted. I even stopped playing the piano, fearing that all my fav's would never get played again.

At last, I am able to listen to music! I love music! Piano, classical, 80's rock, new age instrumental, Indie, Irish . . . the only exceptions are country and Celine Dion-ish. Unfortunately, I still can't play piano b/c I'm busy holding this guy all the time : )

2 Weeks!

Baby Ivan is 2 1/2 weeks old. He went to church today, for the first time. I only had to take him out of one meeting, for about 15 minutes. It's always a little scary going out with a baby for the first time. I've gone to Wal-mart a few times sans baby, and haven't bothered with make-up or decent clothes, but going to church is a big deal: make-up, matching clothes (for me), and packing all of the extras that baby might need. Keith is so good to come home from his early morning meetings, and get the other kids ready and off to church, so that I only have the get myself and baby (and, Eric, this morning) ready! I still manage to be about 5-10 minutes late anyway!

Maddy's new hair color- thanks Sam!

TTFN!

Welcome baby Ivan

-only 13 days late!

George Ivan Maxwell -

born at home in a nice warm baby pool.

Ivan weighed 9 lbs. 6 oz. and was 21 1/2 inch long- definitely no Schrimpp!

Our New Years Eve baby!

Ivan sleeping peacefully after a hard days birth!

Baby, baby. . . wherefore art thou, baby?

Just thought I should post a couple of preggo shots, before baby comes. A lot of people have been telling me that I only look pregnant from the side, and from that view, I REALLY look pregant. It is a different look for me- normally I just look like a watermelon with a gland problem ALL over my body!

No sign of baby, yet, and going on 4 days overdue. . .

The Great Race!

This baby is due on December 18. My last final is on December 16. Try getting ready for a home water-birth, when you have 5 tests and 2 finals that are approaching just as quickly! Not happening! I don't even have a car seat, yet. Much less clothing, blankets, diapers or anything baby-related. If ye are prepared, ye shall have no fear- I have to say that I should be petrified!


But. . . I'm not. I'm just so tired of the whole pregnancy thing, that it doesn't even seem to be related to the baby that's inside. On the bright side, though, this is the first time that the last trimester (and the school semester), seem to be going way too fast!


Whenever Keith wants to talk about baby names, I just look at him and think "that's what all those hours of labor are for!" I don't say it, b/c he already thinks I've lost it (which is pretty perceptive of him!)

Calvin- Dec. 23, 2003

(This was taken 5 years ago - it's been a while since I've done this baby thing!)

This past 6 months, or so, I have been bombarded with trials and struggles. I have a really hard time with pregnancy, both physically and emotionally. It brings out all of my worst character flaws. With that, comes the realization of how far I need to go in order to overcome my "natural man" self.

But, beyond my internal struggles, I have a few family issues that are continual obstacles to my desire for a peaceful, loving home. Eric, my number 4 child, has recently been officially diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, and Anxiety Disorder. This brings the official count to 2 children with the same dx (Madeleine, the oldest, was diagnosed officially at age 8). Together with Allison, the third child, who has a severe disability (lissencephaly), daily life in our home is anything but peaceful and orderly.

This has allowed me to do some growing, but most of my growing is in the area of realization of how little I have progressed, and how much further I must go to reach my potential in the area of motherhood.

I am in that small club of women who tally up good memory moments, not events or days. However, since they are few and far between, they mean a great deal to me. I think of them as the tender mercies of the Lord- if it were not for these small (but very significant) mercies, I would have given up hope long ago.

One of these events happened yesterday. For a while now, Keith and I have been wondering justhow deep Eric's spirit is buried under his emotional disorders. In the last 6 months he has shown little contrition for his hurtful and damaging behavior towards his family members. Almost as though he has no conscience. It is something that has topped the worry chart in my mind for many months. Yesterday, some things happened that brought me feeling lower than I have in a while- I won't go into details, but I could feel our little family just being pummeled by Satan's power. I was talking out loud to myself (yes, I admit freely to my own insanity), and wondering why Satan was trying so hard to rip my family apart. Eric heard me, and asked me what I meant. I gave him a very brief explanation, and a couple minutes later, I heard him ask me to remind him how to start a prayer. All was quiet for about a minute and a half, and then I heard him asking me how to end a prayer. He came out of my bedroom and told me that he had prayed that Satan would stop trying to hurt our family. To my knowledge, he has never said a prayer on his own before. I know this was the Lord letting me know that yes, my child has a spirit, and a conscience, even if it rarely surfaces.

So, anyway, with one less worry on my mind, I can jump to a much lesser one: how to get Madeleine to go back to school!

I'll save that story for another post.

It's been a while! Just testing to see if I can still figure out this blog thing!

Keith will kill me, but I'm to preggo to sit on the horse!