WEEKLY HOUSEHOLD TIPS
So, I'm going to start blogging again, if anything just to give my mind something to do. I am currently NOT in school, and won't be in school for quite a while. Short version:
I got accepted into Marshall medical school, but I will be deferring matriculation until August 2011. Soooo, I have a lot of time on my hands, and not a lot of motivation to do ANYTHING.
I am going for the record for how many books I can read in one year.
Unfortunately for my intellect, I can't seem to choose anything to read,
other than MIND-NUMBING novels.
I trick myself into thinking that it will be OK. After all,
someday I will be writing one of the aforementioned.
And it will happen. It will. It's on my bucket list.
Enough said about that.
So it came to me that I should get out of my rut, and practice my
AMAZING writing skills by contibuting to the betterment of society.
I will do this by providing weekly household tips for any other
stir-crazy housewife, or househusband who might be bored enough to bloglurk.
These tips are life-saving. Maybe not life-saving, but DEFINITELY money and time saving.
Don't know why I want to save time, since I have more than I could EVER want.
Enought to use capitals. Never had the time for them before.
I might even learn how to change fonts.
But, I digress.
HOUSEHOLD TIP FOR THE WEEK:
This is a beauty tip for anyone over the age of 35 that is suffering from,
ahem *whisper* wrinkles.
I'm not talking about those character affirming fine lines, either.
You know, the ones that are oh so sexy on men with weathered skin. . . .
Oh, sorry. I was thinking about Paul Hogan for a minute.
Did I just write that out loud? Way to show my age.
OK, OK, I will get on it! Hold your horses!
Here it is.
Go to Walmart. Splurge on a roll of Scotch invisible tape. Do NOT show this to
your children or you will have wasted your husbands hard earned money,
and then he won't even get to reap the benefits of your newly botoxed face.
I'm not sure I shouldn't just patent this idea, instead of freely posting it.
It's that good.
OK, but, remember, medical school is expensive. Of course! I will POSITIVELY
accept donations! Ever so kind of you to ask!
Take a small length of tape, about 1/2 to 1 inch will do for each wrinkle. Cut it
in half again, lengthwise, and round the corners, with scissors.
Not with the tape cutter on the dispenser. Do you not realize how irritating
those little serrated edges can be?
So, place your wrinkle fighting weapon over each one of your DEEP
wrinkle lines, and VOILA! Instant botox.
I calculate that you will pay about 2 cents per wrinkle/per week.
Now, their are a couple of important points to remember.
1. Do NOT leave the house with your Scotch showing.
2. Best to apply at night, right before bed.
3. Do NOT forget to remove before showering. The tape will come off and add to your
already clogging drain. And then you will have to spend your free time
with a bottle of Drano, instead of looking in the mirror at your new,
wrinkle-free miracle of a face.
4. Do this as many nights out of the week as your skin can stand. Remove in the morning.
Especially useful on Saturday nights, so you can come to church looking
like a new woman (or man).
5. Most importantly, please do not sue me if you get a horrible Scotch tape reaction.
Trust me. You will not get a penny. Instead, sue the Scotch tape company.
Whatever that's called. They have money. I know because I'm buying
up Scotch tape like crazy. (I have a lot of wrinkles)
Stay tuned for next week's tip.
If I get adventurous, I may start doing weekly restaurant reviews.
Of course, they will only be relevant to local readers. Of which I have none.
But, it will make me feel SOO much better to dis on the
Italian restaurant that brought my husband STILL FROZEN lasagna, TWICE!
IN THE SAME EVENING!!!!
But, we're not bitter or anything.
